Thought of the Day: Ripped Pants

"...and now she won't even spare a passing glance,
all just because I ripped my pants."

Some days, you just feel like Spongebob. However, today I felt a certain connection to the episode entitled "Ripped Pants". During One Act rehearsal, we had steppers from the gym set up as temporary platforms (as our set isn't built yet), and Matt decided to yell "THE FLOOR IS LAVA!" Before I continue, I feel it is necessary to list the rules of 'The Floor Is Lava'.

1. When someone yells "the floor is lava," the floor becomes untouchable.
2. Tables, chairs, and papers on the floor are all protection from lava.
3. Rugs, unfortunately, end up melting and turning into lava too. Don't step on those.
4. Shoes and socks aren't safe either. The lava burns right through those.
5. You must attempt to jump from safe place to safe place. Standing still is lame, and means you get burnt to a crisp.
6. The game continues until you leave the room, or the group all decide that the floor is no longer lava.

All right, now that you are all accustomed to the rules, you know why I was forced to jump up onto one of the blue plastic steppers. Unfortunately, the next stepper was a little far away. Still, I'm a confident soul, and I decided to take the leap anyways. And next thing you know, I heard that ominous RIIIIIIIIIPPPP!. Needless to say, I suddenly had a five inch rip around my crotch. To make a long story short, there happened to be a pair of costume pants nearby (khakis that were about three sizes too big). I made it through rehearsal until my dad was able to drop off another pair of pants.

I guess I just have pants trouble. I probably call home at least once each year because of issues with my trousers. Like the time in 7th grade where I sat in dog poop on the bus and got it all the way down my leg. Or the time in 2nd grade where I fell off a swing into an ice-filled puddle during recess.

Conclusion: Always bring an extra pair of jeans.

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